Lately I've been thinking about how I do this in almost every aspect of my life. I build these blockades out of excuses and the infinite reasons I can invent as to why I can't do something and it makes it easier for me to not even try. I'm afraid of all those nasty crows, just lying in wait to pick apart everything I wanted to see grow. But my scarecrows are proving to be ineffectual. Or maybe they are too effectual since they are working on me, too. Mostly, I don't go anywhere near my own life, preferring to just hang out by the side. I'm jealous of people who take risks. I need to leave things up to the elements sometimes. I suppose it is just a matter of deciding to do exactly that. How hard can that be? I may be too old for baby steps so why not just jump head first? Also, why do I always picture that anti-drug commercial from the 80s that features a girl jumping from a diving board into what is soon revealed to be an empty swimming pool?
I always thought she looked like Andy McDowell.
At the moment I'm looking out the window of a sleepy main street that just about 12 hours ago was spilling over with nightlife. I'm not as hungover as I probably should be. I got a little rejected last night but I'm kind of enjoying this mini-feeling. It means I did something I normally would not have. I like that. What can I say? The sun is shining, my head feels clearer than it has in a long time and the barista just offered me a free sample of some Guatemalan coffee they just French pressed. Life carries on and on.