Thursday, April 19, 2012

My brain, infatuated

I decided to quote myself for this entry but only because I find myself so droll. Is it droll to find oneself droll, or is it merely vanity? Do I sound pretentious right now? I'm trying to.
I was gchatting with Nan-C just now about a recent stillborn romance I'm experiencing and, after a few weeks of sitting in my apartment alone with a psychic whittling knife, trying to carve some shape of sanity in the hot, throbbing mess of my brain, infatuated, I was telling her that I've adopted a wait and see mentality. From our chat:

I look forward to the day when whatever is going on will reveal itself to me,
not in a creepy, naked man under a trench coat kind of way
but in a heavenly light from a cumulonimbus cloud kind of way.

Because that's what I'm really doing. That's what I spend most of my life doing. Waiting for the outcome, the shining light of a satisfying denouement. What I forget, over and over and over again is that no such thing exists outside of fiction or drama. Sure there is boy meets girl, they spend a little time together, they fall in love, they get married. And if Nicholas Sparks is to be believed, their story ends there. But this is why no one should believe in Nicholas Sparks novels: life continues on apace and lots of other shit happens or it doesn't and all of that is regardless of your romantic entanglements. I guess I will continue to forget that each time my buttons get jabbed. Then again, maybe my denouement will come on the day when I realize that everything that happens in life is one long chain of random accidents. 

But back to Nicholas Sparks, that new film that is coming out based on one of his books looks like your standard romantic fare wherein there is virtually no line between romance and stalking. To be fair, I have not seen it nor read the book so maybe I'm wrong and if I am, please correct. The synopsis and previews make it seem like some guy saw a picture of a woman while he was at war and then stalks finds her and they do it and love and poo poo the naysayers and then they grow old and he reads this notebook to her because she has Alzheimer's and it is really the story about how they went to high school together and she died of cancer after singing some song at a school play which was about some woman finding a letter to some other random woman in a washed up bottle and then she goes to find the man who wrote it and she stalks and finds him and they do it. Or something.
Side note: this is probably why no one asks me to the movies anymore.
K, bye.


  1. Life continues apace. Lots of other shit happens.

    This is both good and bad.

    1. True. But I need reminding often that there is no one big event and then boom, everything else stops and the credits roll. That is the message we keep getting and giving and I just don't understand it!

  2. I must admit, I do love the Notebook (or just Ryan)...i guess it's totally unrealistic for two people to remain so passionately in love..after all...shit happens, life gets in the way, and love remains, but passion does end up dying out a bit....what's left is the reality. I'd like to see a movie about that....oh wait...just watch most foreign films.

    1. Haha, indeed! It is difficult to not love Ryan Gosling. But I find Blue Valentine more closely akin to everything I've ever experienced of love and romance!