Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Number 16 is wine.

I'm feeling pretty low today, round and heavy all through the middle, like I'm anchored in place by something at my core. I'm forever stood at the end of a splintered, wooden dock and it's always the twilight of a long day of me trying too hard. Like Gatsby before me, I'm staring at a green signal that is so far outside of myself that it seems like a satellite bound for Neptune, flicking off and on and off again in unpredictable patterns I'll never discern. It's lonely but that little light reminds me that there are people out there, at the other end of the pier and if I just reach out far enough, I might get to touch them. And I keep looking, checking to see if its time yet, hoping hard for just the opportunity.

What is it about the middle of the week in the middle of a month set aside for heart shaped candies and construction paper I love yous that does it to me? I don't even believe in that kind of love, the one with the office equipment visible just behind the plastic smothered roses in the pictures everywhere. I don't like roses. Or diamonds. I DO like those Smartie hearts that say things like coax me and let's do it in the bathroom and come out and pretend we weren't. I also enjoy valentines made by children because the hearts are usually lopsided and off kilter and my kind of love is weird and expressionist and kids can do that so well without even trying.

I don't want a pity party here tonight. I want to be cheered up. So I'm going to try to think about the things I do find romantic. Here's a random list of the first fifteen things that spring to mind.

Before Sunrise
Before Sunset
The final scene in City Lights
Lloyd Dobler (just the character, not necessarily the film Say Anything)
The Apartment (particularly the dinner scene and the Robinson Crusoe line)
Roxanne (even though I kind of deeply dislike Daryl Hannah)
Johnsburg, Illinois by Tom Waits
Lovesong by The Cure
First Day of My Life by Bright Eyes
Slow Show by The National
Chateau Lobby #4 by Father John Misty
One Day by David Nicholls
"For Grace, After a Party" by Frank O'Hara
Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair by Pablo Neruda
"now all the fingers of this tree (darling)..." by e.e. cummings

Now, somewhere in this blog post I've hidden the easter egg of what number 16 would be. Eagle eyed readers will find it. When you do, send a self addressed stamped envelope to Pueblo, Co for your prize.


  1. I love Before Sunrise and Before Sunset. Two beautiful movies. Sunrise is my favorite.