It is the first day of BEDD! This is a completely random thing I may or may not have made up or heard somewhere or I don't know what all else but I'm challenging myself to write a Blog post EveryDay in December AND to finish a few unfinished poems and stories and to finally start writing something totally new in the month of December. After a year of having both ass cheeks firmly planted on the huge (and I mean huge) stack of laurels, I need to challenge myself. Come along on the journey, won't you? It promises to be both banal and pointless!
Here's a thing that happened:
I had my bag searched at the movie theater, like a proper criminal. Unfortunately, I was not the only one. This is something that is done now apparently in the dirty, crooked world of the multiplex cinema. Let me back up a bit.
The day after Thanksgiving I made plans to meet up with Nancy to view the final installment of the Twilight franchise of craptastic "cinema". Ever since the books came out, Nancy and I have delighted, nay we have reveled in ridiculing the entire franchise from the extremely poor writing, the two dimensional characters to the horrible acting of the film versions and just the general awfulness of the anti-feminist, untenable and nonsensical universe created by Stephanie Meyer.
We agreed to meet in Astoria since I would be coming into the city for my sister's birthday drinks later that night anyway and we most certainly would need to close out the end of a stupid era with a commemorative drink. I've never, ever been a fan of multiplex cinemas due to their monopoly/price gouging/general unpleasantness but for many years now, that has really been the only game in town when it comes to most movies. The multiplex in Astoria is high volume due to the dense population and the fact that it is the last stop before Manhattan. When I got there, I didn't notice much except the mass of humanity waiting on the line to buy tickets. Also, about fifty people mispronounced the title of the Ang Lee movie "Life of Pi". They were saying "one for Life of Pee". I also happened to notice that when I asked for a ticket to Breaking Dawn the woman said "$13.50" to which I replied "I don't want the 3-D or the IMAX." to which she replied "That's the regular theater price" to which I replied by sighing in a defeat assuaged only by the knowledge that I would soon be poking fun at sparkling vampires.
Anyway, after Nancy and I got our refreshments (yes, I paid $5.50 for a bottle of water, nevermind that the bottle was roughly the size of Marianne's newborn baby, I felt dirty at parting from that $5.50) and we made our way to the ticket taker. As we approached, I noticed that she seemed to be in an argument with a man, his wife and their two children. All of them seemed to be arguing collectively. In between that arguing, the ticket taker looked at us and said "Can I see inside your bags?" I said "um what?" She said "I need to see inside your bags. There is no outside food allowed." I know outside food has not been allowed in theaters for a long time, a fact that I've been thumbing my nose at since I've been going to the movies which is basically my entire life. I usually bring my snacks (and if I'm being honest, I usually buy some candy at the theater too, but that's only because I'm a glutton and there is nothing like $30 candy) but still, I used to file that activity under "tiny rebellions"and I loved every minute of it. Apparently this theater, after overcharging and arguing and doing everything in its power to make movie going thoroughly unpleasant, decided to pile it on by searching bags and confiscating any outside food. Even while being aware that they are likely in their legal rights in doing this....FUCK THAT NOISE. I was livid at this. I pretty much vowed at that moment to never see another movie at that theater or any theater that would search my bag. My resolve was hardened when, upon entering the screening room, we saw a dirty sock on the floor. It may or may not have been surrounded by a halo of old, half eaten popcorn, I can't say for certain. I tried to get everything straight in my mind: I paid almost $15 for entrance, $5.50 for WATER, you searched my bag, and now I have to sit inside a disgusting horrible theater to see this crap? Oh and let's not forget that I also have to sit through almost 25 minutes of commercials for everything from cars to television shows to sport drinks before seeing the movie I paid for. The only thing that made any of this experience better was the company of Nancy (including her giving me an early Christmas gift, which I'll blog about later this month) and our endless laughter at the movie that did not disappoint at all in the utter ridiculous joy it gave us. Still, they searched my bag! Unclean!!
Dear multiplexes of the world, if bag searching is becoming de rigueur, I'll just create a home theater because I've, just now, had it. I'll use my $20 buying DVDs from the old ladies that come into my nail salon with their stacks of bootlegs. It used to be fun to see a movie at the theater. But that experience just left me feeling dirty, emotionally and physically, just like that used sock on the floor of the theater, which was still there when the movie was over and might very well still be there today. Love, Me.
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