Sunday, August 12, 2012

A Tired Sunday Recap

Yesterday at work, I got frustrated. I won't lie. There was a moment when I imagined myself running down the aisles of the library, knocking the books off the shelves indiscriminately and screaming. Imagine how satisfying that would be to our five year old selves. I often feel that frustration takes me back to being a child since I've never really connected with a valid reason for frustration. I experience it often but I don't ever feel justified in feeling it. Or maybe that's not right, maybe I just feel immature.

I went out drinking last night with my siblings. They came out to Guam my town for the evening. At one point we sat around agreeing with each other over politics since we all think the same way. Those are really the only sort of political discussions I actually enjoy, since bar room political "debates" between people of opposing ideas is akin to passing around a large wooden block and hitting your own head over and over again. So I am happy there was none of that.

They all had to get going incredibly early this morning so it was a semi-early night. I woke up at 5am to let them out and spent the next hour or so awake and feeling the kind of sorry for myself that I only ever feel at 5am, unable to sleep despite being so tired. My piecemeal sleep was the main reason I did nothing whatsoever of substance today despite my apartment's state of complete disarray. I did go to my little cousin's 7th birthday party so I spent the afternoon surrounded by family and eating and drinking away an afternoon. As with most kid's parties, there was a separate menu for the kids. Today's consisted of chicken fingers, only my cousin Jessica inadvertently bought, and I don't lie when I say this, Cap'n Crunch coated chicken fingers. First of all, ew. Second of all, why would it even occur to a store to make that? Even the children were grossed out by them.

Right now I'm tired after having come home and organized my clothing. I have too much clothing. Fatigue sets in when I contemplate the uneven piles on my bed, on top of which I'm tempted to fall asleep. And I'm starting to feel tired and sorry for myself yet again. I wish I had been more productive this weekend. I wish I had said certain things and done certain things and even though I got to spend time with my family and I had a pleasant weekend overall, I still feel washed out, faded at the edges and longing for the oblivion of a long and deep sleep. I think I'll oblige myself.

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